I know I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic, but this career allows you to explore, to take some facets of yourself and spin it.

Are we just pretending to be unhappy so that we can add drama to our lives, so that we seem more substantial?

Television in the last few years has been where all the great writers are going. TV now is what indie film used to be.

Nothing seems to matter but ourselves. That's not how I was brought up. I don't recognize the country I live in anymore.

I think we have the attention span of a gnat. You know, with cell phones and Twitter.

We're all capable of anything as human beings. Any emotion, any action. We really are.

Working with Jim Carrey is an absolute gas. I have never laughed so hard for so long. Had he been on-board for the sequel of Dumb & Dumber, I would've jumped on, with no hesitation.

Comedy is hard to do. All the cliches about it are true.

I was haunted by trainers going "Up, up, up, get up." You find yourself picking your head up and then realizing, They aren't talking to me.

I think Michigan keeps you sane and on an even keel through the ups and downs. In Michigan, I do fireworks, shovel snow and live life.

You can't rewrite nothing, but you can rewrite 90 pages of sh*t. Now you've got your sh*t on the page, you can go work.

Because we don't really sparkle.

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

I'm trying to teach my daughter about healthy eating.

The roughest road often leads to the top.

In spinning a robe of your own righteousness, before the sun goes down you will find it all unraveled.

There are three types of golf: golf, tournament golf and Major championship golf.

I never know why self-sacrifice is noble. Why is it better to sacrifice oneself than someone else?

We are so happy to advise others that occasionally we even do it in their interest.

Most guys my age are boring human beings. They sit in bars, get drunk, and then go home to tell their kids the way to rule their lives, while they're absolutely stewed out of their brains.