I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

It is better to live ready than to get ready!

... food is not simply organic fuel to keep body and soul together, it is a perishable art that must be savoured at the peak of perfection.

But it’s a hundred and twelve years old!” He protested.“She still works pretty good.” Deire maintained. “Stardrive gets a mite twitchy at warp 4, but that’s just a dodgy plasma injector.

Despite his flaws, one has to admit that he is a whale-sized catch.”“I’ll be thrilled when someone harpoons him, ” Lillian muttered, making the other two laugh.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the air.

It's really important for boys to have a father around, or a grandfather, or an uncle - a man they can really relate to who loves them, and who they know loves them.

I was always really strict on myself about doing everything possible to prepare for competition.

I come from a background of hanging out with friends and shooting videos with them, with funny stuff coming out of the group. I guess we got the same charge jocks get out of sports.

True godliness does not turn men out of the world, but enables them to live better in it and excites their endeavors to mend it.