I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Baby, shut up and let me drink the wine from your fur tea cup.

I want it all and I want it now.

The thing that inspires me most is reading and just observing the people around me. I think those are the two things that make me want to write.

Touch is one of the most intuitive things in the world.

Mindfulness meditation is the embrace of any and all mind states in awareness, without preferring one to another.

Independent of harmony rules, any color 'goes' or 'works' with any other color, presupposing that their quantities are appropriate.

A wise judge may let mercy temper justice but may not let mercy undo it.

I've spent the last year and a half going through a very public separation, hiding in hotel lobbies.

Everyone has different problems, but everyone has some kind of problem.

Take more pleasure in giving what is best to another than in having it for yourself, and then all the world will love you.