I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.

Lord, I am willing to break MY heart that I might satisfy THY heart.

When we look at life through the eyes of Jesus Christ, it is absolutely impossible to see any obstacles. Matthew 11:28-30.

I think the worst sort of time travel is how the clock speeds up when I'm on my break.

When we were together, I loved you deeply and you gave me so much happiness I can never repay you.

Voltaire was a smart cookie.

Since we humans have the better brain, isn't it our responsibility to protect our fellow creatures from, oddly enough, ourselves?

If the economy is not expanding, the redistribution of income becomes a zero-sum game. And therefore, all the class struggle - and it becomes much more vicious.

Given the diverse raiment life sports, one never knows what the guises of the gods may be.

Obviously, I have certain policy positions that I push and advocate for that would benefit people dealing in a system that breeds inequality and makes life more difficult for people.