I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

I would like to thank the people who encouraged me to draw army cartoons at a time when the gag man's conception of the army was one of mean ole sergeants and jeeps which jump over mountains.

Look at an infantryman's eyes and you can tell how much war he has seen.

I'm convinced that the infantry is the group in the army which gives more and gets less than anybody else.

Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery.

I was a born troublemaker and might as well earn a living at it.

The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.

If you're a leader, you don't push wet spaghetti, you pull it.

When we realize finally that we aren't God's given children, we'll understand satire. Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery.

'Peace' is when nobody's shooting. A 'just peace' is when our side gets what it wants.

Certainly none of the advances made in civilization has been due to counterrevolutionaries and advocates of the status quo.

There is no limit to the amount of intelligence invested in ignorance when the need for illusion runs deep.

Its not the type of pencil but the artist's skill that matters.

Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them. [Witness for the Prosecution, also published in The Hound of Death and Other Stories.]

Funk, I don't think I have anything to do with funk. I've never considered myself funky.

No organization works if the toilets don't work, but I don't believe that finding solutions to business problems is my job.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

There's a very close tie between good health and good education.

Odd, isn't it? You know when your birthday is, but not your death day, even though you pass the date year after year, never suspecting that some day.

I never think about poetry except when I'm writing it. I mean my poetry.

Unfortunately, very few people in America know the real name of Hurricane Katrina because the coal and oil industries have spent millions of dollars to keep the public in doubt about the issue.