I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

How do we still believe that human nature is not evil when 60 years old men rape 3 years innocent girls?

The experience of this sweet life.

I was like a chocolate in a box, looking well behaved and perfect in place, all the while harboring a secret center.

You're a sword not a palm tree

A writer once asked what I'd say if I ever met my biggest hater. I paused, thought deeply and said, "Probably 'suk a dog dik, motherfuker.'"

A banjo will get you through times of no money, but money won't get you through times of no banjo

How unreliable is the woman caught being faithful! Today she is faithful to you, tomorrow to another.

An organized effort is making to deceive the people. There are two great enemies of thought and progress, the aristocracy of royalty and the aristocracy of gold.

I know how to make it a great musical. I've got to. It's like I've got to see it on stage.

Creativity is a yearning for immortality