I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Be as bright as the sun then spread your light all over the world.

Days, weeks, months, years, " said the boy. "Minutes and hours and seconds. I don't know about any of those things.

The man who is seriously convinced that he deserves hell is not likely to go there, while the man who believes that he is worthy of heaven will certainly never enter that blessed place.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

Preserve there [bohemia] a hidden seed to glorify thy name.

You couldn't have human society without language.

You should command and demand the tenfold leverage on your dollars when you give it away as well.

I don't think there's a difference between writing for a newspaper or magazine and doing a chapter in a book.

These papers of the day have uses more adequate to the purposes of common life than more pompous and durable volumes.

Great fury, like great whisky, requires long fermentation.