I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

There are two moments worthwhile in writing, the one when you start and the other when you throw it in the waste-paper basket.

What you love the most always finds a way to become your biggest weakness,

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live.

I think in both of those situations, it's important as an actor to learn, despite the success I had as a kid, that it's important to understand what it means to be a small fish in a big pond.

I think that every enduring story that has expressions over multiple periods, that role of being the keeper of the integrity of the vision is a very important role.

The important thing is that the principles that Senator Obama outlined originally are now embraced and taxpayers will be protected.

It is as big a mistake to turn down a good shot as it is to take a bad one

Virtue and sense are one; and, trust me, still A faithless heart betrays the head unsound.

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.

Our reverence for workaholism has produced corporate leaders who believe they don't need sleep, and neither should anyone else.