I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Helping yourself is a privilege. Helping others is an honor.

The envious man grows lean at the success of his neighbor.

Food is the very heart of freedom. How can people be free if they can't feed themselves without getting sued for patent violations?

Whereas the intelligence of God is both the cause and the measure of the truth of things, things are both the cause and the measure of the truth of our intelligence.

Walk away quietly in any direction and taste the freedom of the mountaineer.

I don't have a problem with drugs, I have a problem with policemen.

I think conditions on the ground determine what you need in a particular area.

I believe celebrity spoils people - some worse than others.

There's the moon trying to look romanticMoon's too old that's her troubleAren't we all?

To abstain from politics is in itself a political attitude.