I constantly walk into a room and I don't remember why. But for some reason, I think there's going to be a clue in the fridge.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Don't compare yourself with someone else's version of happy or thin. Accepting yourself burns the most calories.

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.

I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs... but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.

I always feel slightly sorry to be the voice of whatever I'm experiencing.

I'd like a pop-up magazine with 45 articles on Russell Crowe. I'm like a teenager. I'd have 'Teen Beat' if I could, for grown-ups.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.

I grew up thinking that if I wanted to go be prime minister, I could.

I always like to think I'm having a dinner party, and I'm the host, and the audience are my guests.

I was just the youngest in the family, and most in desperate need of attention.

Real change happens on the level of the gesture. It's one person doing one thing differently than he or she did before.

I believe that everyone has the right to live a happy and healthy life.

Along with planes, running water, electricity, and motorized transportation, the internet is now a fundamental fact of modern life.

She'd be one of those parents who left a kid behind at a rest stop, driving for miles before she noticed. We'd hear about her on the evening news.

Because there is no meaning to be found in the arbitrary nature of things., It's all random. Just as space is blue. And birds fly through it.

I can't ever remember anyone winning a tournament like that.

Because God that is immutable changes what He willed, He is said to repent, although what changes is a thing and not His counsel.

If life is a journey, time should pull over at a rest stop sometimes - we should all be given a chance to get off and stretch our legs, collect our thoughts and reorganize.

If a kid really is retarded and can only come up to a certain level, he will still have more success if what he learns is connected with something important to him.