I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I found the poems in the fields, And only wrote them down.

The Bible is primarily concerned with the story of man’s redemption as it is in Jesus Christ. If you read Scripture and miss the story of salvation, you have missed its message and its meaning.

Two people can care for each other but not want the same things.

All that exists, exists in some amount and can be measured.

Actions are right in proportion as they tend to promote happiness; wrong as they tend to produce the reverse of happiness. By happiness is intended pleasure and the absence of pain.

What pleases our mind is not dangerous enough.

Beneath all of these addictions is this disease, this control disease which is the mark of our society.

Formula 1 would be a paradise without the media.

There should be no private health insurance companies operating for profit.

It is not the kings and generals that make history, but the masses of the people.