I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

The Christianity you are struggling with. The one you treat with contempt. Some of us are enjoying it BIG TIME !Don't relax Laaaaa.......Strive and pray for the Holy Ghost

It is native personality and that alone that endows a man to stand before presidents or generals or in any distinguished collection with aplomb -and not culture or any intellect whatever.

I don't know why, but the older I get the more interested I get in my parents' marriage. And it's interesting to be married yourself, too, because there is an inevitable comparison.

As a parent you try to maintain a certain amount of control and so you have this tug-of-war ... You have to learn when to let go. And that's not easy.

I used to want to gamble, too, until I was 20 and could actually go to a casino. Then I wasn't so crazy about the attitude.

To be in touch with yourself requires great sensitivity to everything that's going on here and now.

We all assume the worst the best we can.

With expensive fashion, the inside should be as perfect as the outside.

People are very passionate in Italy. If you like something, you like something. If you hate something, you hate something. When you hate something, you are screaming.

Before me floats an image, man or shade, / Shade more than man, more image than a shade.