Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

Undoubtedly, failure is growth in pain’s disguise.

If I die on my way to the dance, it will be better than to survive having never lifted my feet.

What are the chances that of all 1.59629 quadrillion square feet of physical land on planet Earth, three major world religions are literally fighting over one single rock?

Without patience, one cannot get far in life.

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.

A new survey shows that the American public is more conservative now than at any point since 1952. The bad news is that all the liberals that died since then are still voting.

In these anxious times many of us are less astonished that reason is ever suspended than that it should ever prevail, even during the briefest of intervals.

I would like to direct. What goes on behind stage is very interesting.

We killed our own hogs, we killed our own beef, we raised our own vegetables, which Mama canned. We did live off the land.