It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

To my fellow authors heed these words with much importance, " It is redundant for a true writer to sell their soul for literary fame, since the soul is a writer's inner voice...

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer

Fear attracts the darkness. When you have no fear, the darkness fears you.

She was not alone in her respect for him. Because he is more than a boss to people. He’s a religion for non-believers.

Make no mistake: Bob Ritchie's up early in the morning taking pictures of his son on the first day of his senior year. Kid Rock is passed out in a hotel room somewhere with four scantily-clad women.

If you have a good spine, the gods will chase you. Nobody has psychological or emotional problems, everyone has a bad spine.

I think our culture is sick and tired of fluffy nonsense and people want something more sincere and heartfelt.

Our fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.

All mothers are working mothers.

From a child's point of view, there is rarely a great time for parents to separate, even if there has been a lot of commotion and fighting.