Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.

Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.

There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.

The souls of heroes are forged by the gods and tempered with the pain of life.

If you want to be saved look at the face of your Christ.

Politics is a love-hate relationship. I sure know that.

You measure a person by what it takes to discourage them.

Of course, conservatives always claim to be against judicial activism.

Frankly, it's good enough to lock up in a drawer.

It is necessary for the very existence of science that minds exist which do not allow that nature must satisfy some preconceived conditions.

Art is a human act, a generous contribution, something that might not work, and it is intended to change the recipient for the better, often causing a connection to happen.

Some people can only be happy being a star. What happens if and when the work dries up?

Laughing at ourselves is possible when we are able to see humanity as it is - a little lower than the angels and at times only slightly higher than the apes.