He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Sleep, that deplorable curtailment of the joy of life.

Friends are relatives you make for yourself.

There's something happening everyday, but I'm too tired and lazy to write it all down.

I can't - and won't - impose my beliefs on others, either verbally or otherwise. I'm not going to judge people.

Someone once asked, 'What's your best pickup line?' I said, 'My best pickup line is, 'Hi, my name is Hugh Hefner.''

When a man works by faith, he works by mental exertion instead of by physical force.

If you are talented, don't sit in the darkness, light a candle so that others can see you.

I've learned over the years that everything is more or less the same amount of work, so you may as well set your sights high and try and do something really cool.

It's hard for me to find humor in my current non-writing situation.

Shambhala is a Buddhist tradition with its own unique view and approach.