Great humorists are great insulters.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

I think the way the sun shines on you has nothing to do with the sun but everything to do with you.

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.

Don't worry, all is well. All is so perfectly, damnably well.

I'm trying to play guitar every day. I think I have a gift, and I've not been nurturing it for a long time. So I'm trying to pick it back up.

I think charity begins with your family and you take it from there.

I think he needs to stand up and say if he thought the president were wrong on policy and issues, he ought to say where.

By definition, saving - for anything - requires us to not get things now so that we can get bigger ones later.

We enjoy sailing small boats, two of which I have designed and built myself.

I’d like to have a nice home set up, with a couple of dogs, and a fence, white picket fence.

If you look at the Forbes 400, they are paying a lower rate, accounting payroll taxes, than their secretary or - whomever around their office.