George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

…In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves.

It may be our actions that define us, but it is our reaction that changes the course of things.

The acid test of any legal system is not the greatness or the grandeur of its ideal concepts, but whether, in fact, it is able to produce order and justice.

We have gone into a war, an unelected president sending us into a war that the Congress frankly had no right, I believe, to authorize.

Singularity shows something wrong in the mind.

I don't think young people need to see the face of the deceased.

Arnold was a dog's dog. Whenever he shuffled along walks and through alleyways, he always gave the impression of being on to something big.

If you're not the one cooking, stay out of the way and compliment the chef.

We're not policy people and we don't want to be policy people. All we're interested in, as social scientists, is data that accurately represents reality.

You will not! It's wrong." "What, kissing you, or kissing you in Pies and Stuff?