Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

If you think you already know what you're looking at, you might not see what's really there.

The same big TV antenna dwarfed each roof, as though life here could only be bearable if lived elsewhere in the imagination.

If you want everything to be nice and straight all the time, then go live in a world made with a triungular ruler.

It is certain that not one drop of rain falls without God's sure command.

Love is just a word untill you and that someone who comes along give it meaning

poetry is where the language is renewed.

The chief drawback with men is that they are too talkative.

Peace without truth is a false peace.

As for an authentic villain, the real thing, the absolute, the artist, one rarely meets him even once in a lifetime. The ordinary bad hat is always in part a decent fellow.

Ivory towers are as rare as bowling alleys in tribal cultures.