For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

It's not about grand gestures.It's not about accolades.It's not about the world.It's about you.

My philosophy is: anyone or anything that gives you knowledge inspires you.

My mom was proud but very hands off. She didn't really know enough about the model industry, and she didn't have the time to stop her life to go chaperone me. I think she trusted me.

I don't write any kind of sequel or remake.

For 'Singin' in the Rain,' I bought most of the costumes - the 'Fit as a Fiddle' costumes and the 'Make Them Laugh' Donald O'Connor outfits and the 'Good Morning, Good Morning' clothes we danced in.

I think him every thing that is worthy and amiable.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

I take as much time as I need. I want to be fresh and smelling good.

That's what life is all about: Let's have a party. Let's have it tonight.

If we dismiss from our minds the prejudice we may have against the Indians we shall be able to more clearly understand the impulses that govern both races.