For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Go for the life you dream and desire with boldness but without fear.

If we fast forward through the journey, like Adam Sandler in the movie, Click, we’ll look up one day and see that we missed our lives.

None so good that he has no faults, None so wicked that he is worth naught.

There's theater in life, obviously, and there's life in theater.

There are no poetic ideas; only poetic utterances.

Whatever I do is done out of sheer joy; I drop my fruits like a ripe tree. What the general reader or the critic makes of them is not my concern.

Ideas make their way in silence like the waters that, altering behind the rocks of the Alps, loosen then from the mountains upon which they rest.

Jimmer Fredette is the best scorer in the world!!

We are so evil and sinful and flawed that Jesus had to die for us... But we are so lobed and valued that he was willing to due for us.

I don't look back or analyze my films. I just make them. It's for someone else to look at.