Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I am sorry, I am not a writer. I simply put my thoughts on paper. Those helped by them call them a book and me a writer. Those who are not helped call it rubbish and me a fool. Both have reason.

I've always had- how shall I say it? -the prize at the end. My whole life shows that.

How do you build a successful organization or culture? It's the people. The people part, in business and basketball, is huge.

You will find yourself in the Quran, I guarantee you.

She has the gift of accepting her life.

I can say is if anyone gets a chance to work with [Dr.]Dre, it's a moment you will always take with you throughout your career. And as of right now, the Compton album is the only thing to talk about.

Every flower about a house certifies to the refinement of somebody. Every vine climbing and blossoming tells of love and joy

There are two types of teachers. Those who tell you what you want to hear and those who tell you what you don't want to hear.

Life is like the rungs on a ladder. The reason they are placed so close together is that we can learn to take baby steps and reach our destinations safely.

It's just not an image I had ever put out about myself - the bedroom synth guy. The whole thing seemed ridiculous.