We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.

Think outside the square. Think for yourself don't just follow the herd. Think multidisciplinary! Problems by definition, cross many academic disciplines.

It's fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who's hearing Cinderella for the first time.

Of whomsoever I had been Master (Mawla), Ali here is to be his Master. O Allah, be a supporter of whoever supports him (Ali) and an enemy of whoever opposes him.

Faith is a theological virtue that inclines the mind under the influence of the will and grace to yield firm assent to revealed truths because of the authority of God.

Thank God for the day. Thank God for the morning. Won't take this here for granted; no, good Lord, I gots to get on it.

What makes life valuable is that it doesn't last forever.

The first thing about the angels that we ought to imitate, is their consciousness of the Presence of God.

Mother is a verb, not a noun.

For someone who loves literature, and all books on principle, being asked to name three titles over a half century of serious reading is akin to asking one to recall their three favorite sunsets.