Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

It doesn't matter if people doesn't know that you do a good thing nor the right thing. But he nor she must know your expression of love.

One who abuses his power, unaware that one day will be the victim of his own abuses

Denis's love for Mattia had burned itself out, like a forgotten candle in an empty room, leaving behind a ravenous discontent.

So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind while just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs.

The cabin of a small yacht is truly a wonderful thing; not only will it shelter you from a tempest, but from the other troubles in life, it is a safe retreat.

The Koran says that there can be no heaven for one who sheds the blood of an innocent neighbour.

Self-criticism expands the opportunities for discourse and eliminates the need for an adversary.

You know, I understand that a lot of people, especially up north, put fruits and nuts in their stuffing, which is good, but for myself personally, I love an old-timey savory dressing.

Wayne is definitely one of the top five MCs to ever come out of the South.

A hotel isn't like a home, but it's better than being a house guest.