Every day is President's Day when you have an intern!

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Only write a story that only you can write.

Blasphemy is the crime of not taking someone's beliefs as seriously as they do.

Ive done a lot of shows that didnt do well. You have to go in with a 50-50 take on it. If it goes well, fantastic. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

I don't like myself you know. I love myself. I'm devoted to myself till my dying day. But I don't like myself.

I was seeing indoor workers as opposed to streetwalkers and from what I hear, drug use is much more prevalent among streetwalkers then it is with girls who are escorting.

Truly there is a tide in the affairs of men; but there is no gulf-stream setting forever in one direction.

I cannot remember a time when I did not want to go to Africa to study animals.

The problem with education is school.

Soon I worked during twelve years in theater works of the prestigious Theatre National Populaire. It was the best time of my life, the most difficult, the most interesting, the most exciting.

Every time you click on a like button on another site, you've told Facebook that you're doing that. And so therefore advertisers know who their fan base is.