Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

There's kind of wisdom that must be firstly rejected before accepted.

Absence of questions is not proof of answers.

Maturity is the moment one regains one's innocence.

Are we at last brought to such humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our defense?

I am mildly addicted to Mucinex-D. I feel like I should just come clean about that.

Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.

We cherish the chance to say thank you in person to Cpl. Frank Buckles.

Living in a constant chase after gain compels people to expend their spirit to the point of exhaustion.

Oh, my dear, my tragedy is that you don't need to be loved as I know how to love.

Since the 18th century, many Western intellectuals have predicted religion's imminent demise.