Do you know who is ready to go with the presidential campaign? Jeb Bush. Jeb already has plans to end the war in Iraq that his brother started. All he needs is a hot tub time machine.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

To stay true to ourselves and remain kind to others is an art. It does require daily vigilance and, at the same time, it’s important to remember that art can often get messy.

As a painter I shall never signify anything of importance. I feel it absolutely.

Forgive! How many will say, forgive, and find a sort of absolution in the sound to hate a little longer!

The criminal conduct of Hillary Clinton threatens the foundations of democracy.

If by religion we mean a belief in humanity rather than the gods, an effort to make man better and a little happier, then yes, I'm very religious.

Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them.

Disease is a non-partisan problems that requires a non-partisan solution.

A Warrior never accepts what is unacceptable.

If someone like you showed up to abduct me, I'd let you.

I'm a great reader of history. I love - I have been reading history since I was a kid, and learning the lessons globally of what happened with people.