Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

My dad believes in God, I think. I'm not sure if my mom does. I don't.

A man's hatred is always concentrated upon that which makes him conscious of his bad qualities.

I'm really happy with everything that I've been fortunate enough to do and with the creative outlets I've been blessed to have.

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists.

Let me tell you that every misery I miss is a new blessing. [Not only be grateful for the good that you have but also for the bad you don't!]

Recording is more autobiographical than acting. It's me - either how I'm feeling then or once felt at some point in my life. It's all me.

To be an artist you have to give up everything, including the desire to be a good artist.

I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don't do it now, I never will.

Security is not the meaning of my life. Great opportunities are worth the risk.

I'm an accidental writer.