Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'

Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.

Thanks God that he created me dumb and crazy enough to believe that I can create and invent in other than what i studied in and what they want me to be.

It is worth it to me to know I have succeeded based on my abilities and not on my looks or any 'connections.' I've tried not to embody destructive female images in my work.

Old Magic, Old Ways, the Old Ones themselves often seem powerless in a new place.

He who is really kind, can never be unhappy

The true genius shudders at incompleteness.

It is the leaders job to add significance to the lives of the people he leads.

What can be nobler than the idea it gives us of the Supreme Being?

You know, it comes from my mother's side of the family. She had seven sisters and one brother, and all of them could play instruments. I suppose I picked it up from that.

This loneliness won't leave me alone.