Comedy is much harder, it's a lot more exacting. You can't just be real and you can't just use the same kind of techniques you use to fill up a regular scene.

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

My whole career strategy has been to build a base so that I could take the roles I want to play. I'd hate to think that a shorter part might not be available because I was worried about my billing.

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time.

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60.

The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead.

Human beings are always going to find interesting ways of making a mess of their lives. It's human nature.

I don't think many people have a very good understanding of leisure and the importance it plays in our lives.

Men dominate because of physicality, and thus they have mercy where women do not.

The assumption of ‘rights’ is the cancer of privilege.

as i sit here looking at the window, i feel broken and empty.

There has never been a miracle drug that could equal the Word of God. God’s medicine is the answer to every need.

I can't concentrate on golf or bowling. Those bowling pins aren't going to hurt me. I can concentrate in the ring because someone is trying to kill me.

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.

Solitude is creativity's best friend, and solitude is refreshment for our souls.

I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.

Cost is more important than quality but quality is the best way to reduce cost.

If you walk down the street and see someone in a box, you have a choice. That person is either the other and you're fearful of them, or that person is an extension of your family.

It is the very error of the moon; She comes more nearer earth than she was wont, And makes men mad.