Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Beware anger is contagious...Don't allow other's anger to become yours

Everybody has an addiction mine happens to be you

Getting eaten by a giant crocodile was bad enough.The kid with the glowing sword only made my day worse.

Born in inquity and conceived in sin the spirit of nationalism has never ceased to bend human institutions to the service of dissension and distress.

Engineers are behind the cars we drive, the pills we pop and the way we power our homes.

You see a lot of so-called architecture that part of the ego trip overpowers the functionality and the budget and all that stuff.

Today, the Muslim world is the poorest of the global powers.

You do not question an author who appears on the title page as "T.V.N. Persaud, M.D., Ph.D., D.Sc., F.R.C.Path. (Lond.), F.F.Path. (R.C.P.I.), F.A.C.O.G.

Cast aside any column about two subjects. It means the pundit chickened out on the hard decision about what to write about that day.