Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.

Some men drink the blood of other men, all I drink is wine.

If you're a good improviser, you improvise well enough that people think that you're doing a sketch.

I always had an interest in fashion because my mom is a celebrity fashion stylist. I grew up being on set or in showrooms.

There is no book of mine that I reject. That does not mean that I find them good.

The best way to know people is to work with them.

Doing the big budget films really makes you appreciate doing movies like Shelter. It's because this is like doing theater, you just have to hit the ground running

I arise from dreams of thee In the first sweet sleep of night, when the winds are breathing low, and the stars are shining bright.

I also like to eat very much, so I like all different types of foods.

St. Ash – who knew? (Gallagher)