Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

Appreciate every moment because this moment is your precious life.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Maybe people [in Hollywood] wear really nice clothes, and they drive really nice cars, but that doesn't make me comfortable. And if I'm not comfortable, it won't be a part of my life.

We all have our demons, even if we say we don't.

When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with "No Cure For Cancer."

A tenor is not a man but a disease.

In time they could not even fly after their hats. Want of practice, they called it; but what it really meant was that they no longer believed.

I believe the geometric proportion served the creator as an idea when He introduced the continuous generation of similar objects from similar objects.

Beliefs: Those things we hold to be true despite evidence to the contrary.

My power is discombobulatingly devastating.