Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, 'The way I look at it, she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

A dream is a distant reality.

She had said: 'You could not hate anyone that much -' She was mistaken. What did she know? She felt so good right now, this must be hate, what else could it be?("Mind Over Murder")

People think that writing is writing, but actually writing is editing. Otherwise, you're just taking notes

I'm so busy right now, it's the beginning of the hockey season for my kids.

I've proposed a contract with the American voter that will give the government back to the people.

What he needed was to find fifty more people like him, who had stopped being themselves without realizing it.

Some of those drawn into the holy war had been secular nationalists only a few years before. If one looks at the biographies of these people, remarkable continuities are revealed.

Moderation is a fatal thing. Enough is as bad as a meal. More than enough is as good as a feast.

Surprise, dickhead, Mama forgot to tell you a few things about me. (Zarek)

I hate seeing people getting hurt or hurting other people. I hate seeing blood. I am very intolerant of physical pain. I find violence horrifying, so much so that I can't help being intrigued by it.