And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

Shall I prick my prick as well?

Jesus loves us not because we are good but because he is.

I would like to believe he's sick rather than just mean and evil.

You can live a lifetime and at the end of it know more about other people than you know about yourself.

I've made enough jokes about Iran's leadership that I'm sure if I showed up that I would get a nice escort - to the main prison - and then I could do a show there.

After I workout I always wash my face. It's important to keep your pores clean after a good sweat.

But they were wrong. There was a reason.

Most social problems could be helped or prevented if people had more money and practical advice.

Be a pattern to others, and then all will go well; for as a whole city is affected by the licentious passions and vices of great men, so it is likewise reformed by their moderation.

Our daily objectives should include an honest effort to improve on yesterday.