Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

No one is born with fear: we learn it, create it, and perpetuate it. Therefore, fear's biggest secret is we also control it.

There was something about Maria Graham that you could believe in – a slice of home. If not unique in her travelling, she was at least extraordinary.

Anyone who witnesses to the Grace of God revealed in Christ is undertaking direct assault against Satan's dominion.

Yoga's hard for me, but I know you can really feel the difference when you do it consistently. I'd rather be playing basketball.

I've already done enough to have earned 'good driver,' so if I can be known as a great person and a good driver, that's better than only being a great driver.

License they mean when they cry Liberty; For who loves that, must first be wise and good.

Ministers who do not spend two hours a day in prayer are not worth a dime a dozen - degrees or no degrees.

I think it's really important as an artist not to be drawn to the haters, because there are so many people who are nice and quiet.

Robbie Keane's not the second choice, he's my first choice. But Jermain Defoe is as well.