Witty Quotes

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I drink no more than a sponge.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty saying are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.

Our way is not soft grass, it's a mountain path with lots of rocks. But it goes upwards, forward, toward the sun.

I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

Music has shaped men’s fashion and transposed in a playful and witty manner its riding or military heritage. It is difficult to figure out who leads but music and fashion are connected genetically.

I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn't exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Hell is paved with good samaritans.

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

I am like a Rolls- Royce. I can run without an engine, purely on reputation

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Toughness doesn't have to come in a pinstripe suit.

I rant, therefore I am

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

They who drink beer will think beer.

My philosophy towards life is to enjoy it to the fullest and have fun. I am one of those 'laugh-out-loud' kinds. I am quirky, yet witty.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion.

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

I basically try not to waste any lines in any of my songs, and I think the witty phrases and funny lyrics I have bring a smarter sound to college hip-hop.

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” I decide to go ahead and like Boggs.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

He--the country parson--is not witty or learned or eloquent, but holy.

All for one; one for all.

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.

There is nothing as tragic as being alive and not enjoying life... Life should be celebrated!

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

Remember, people who peek through keyholes have to expect an occasional poke in the eye.

The second mouse gets the cheese!

My husband taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

A large nose is in fact the sign of an affable man, good, courteous, witty, liberal, courageous, such as I am.