Sarcastic Quotes

What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank.

The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

The finest woman that ever walked the streets.

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

Sarcasm doesn't translate in print at all.

The Japanese have perfected good manners and made them indistinguishable from rudeness.

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

Sarcasm is a Manchester trait.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

He is as good as his word - and his word is no good.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other drug with special horror.

I can be a very sarcastic person, and sometimes people take every word I say literally.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong.

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.

A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

Go anywhere in England where there are natural wholesome, contented and really nice English people; and what do you find? That the stables are the real centre of the household.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

Jazz: Music invented for the torture of imbeciles.

Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.

Death and taxes may be inevitable, but they shouldn't be related.

She should get a divorce and settle down.

As we celebrate Recovery Month, it is time for Congress to knock down the barriers to treatment and recovery for 26 million Americans suffering the ravages of alcohol and drug addiction.

When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.

Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.

I've been things and seen places.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.

Neither irony or sarcasm is argument.

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand.

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story

He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating.

I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.

The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest.

Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?