Life Humor Quotes

Life Humor Quote of the day

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.

This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

A joke is a very serious thing.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.

What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

My hope still is to leave the world a bit better than when I got here.

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.

Here’s to freedom, cheers to art. Here’s to having an excellent adventure and may the stopping never start.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

Anything designed to be inoffensive isn't worth your time -- life itself is pretty offensive, ending as it does with death.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.

I tried to contain myself... but I escaped!

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

I don't think there's anything to be afraid of. Failure brings great rewards - in the life of an artist.

Despite being what would now be called a deprived child in a one parent family, I did not grow up with an urge to smash windows or to bash old ladies over the head in order to steal handbags.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

I'm a laugh tart. I make no secret of that fact.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Life is and will ever remain an equation incapable of solution, but it contains certain known factors.

I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.

Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.

The recipe for great art has always been misery and a good bowel movement.

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.

Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.

It's only life. We all get through it.

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

The status quo sucks.

Faith handles the ultimate incongruities of life, humor handles the more immediate ones.

Sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world. Other times it feels like the world is on top of me.

There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain in his head, he will hang up the phone immediately.

At the end of my trial, I was rather hoping the judge would send me to Australia for the rest of my life.

Not that I haven't leaped up into the blinding light of competence now and then. It's sustaining the altitude that defeats me.

Life is too important to take seriously.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about what could have been. It’s too unbearable.

The best things in life must come by effort from within, not by gifts from the outside.