Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

If you practice hard, you can win every battle.

America's finest - our men and women in uniform, are a force for good throughout the world, and that is nothing to apologize for.

The common denominator of success is in forming the habit of doing the things that failures don't like to do.

There's something wildy decadent about the young-star lifestyle, and I just don't really see the point. I got my partying out of my system in college.

Most of the stories I have go downhill quickly. In all honesty most of the good stories I have, no one else would think is funny.

I'm the tortoise in the race, but I'm a joyful tortoise.

How often have I found that wanting to use blue, I didn't have it so I used a red instead of the blue.

No one sat me down with a piece of paper and said, This is what is expected of you. But... I'm lucky enough in the fact that I have found my role... I love being with people.

The joy of working at something to find out what it means to me is what I grew up with.

Don't ever come to church without coming as though it were the first time, as though it could be the best time, and as though it could be the last time.