Life Humor Quotes

Duty has a trick of behaving unexpectedly -- something like a heavy friend whom we have amiably asked to visit us, and who breaks his leg within our gates.

The heart has a heart of its own.

Man, it was a good thing vampires didn't get cancer. Lately he'd been chain-smoking like a felon.

If we choose to behave differently, we are considered 'Mad' or 'immature

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid.

From now on when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I planned to say, Amnesiac.

Rule #3 - It's okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself.

[I] don't think I was trying to kill myself. I just wanted to hurt, and understand exactly whay I was hurting. This made sense: you cut, you felt pain, period.

I see the world, it makes me puke, But then I look at you and know, that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me.

I'm dealing with a lot of scary things. I think you have to react to them. And you either laugh at them or you go insane.

There's so much destruction all over the world - and all you can do is complain about ME!

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

I can chase you, and I can catch you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

Life sucks, then you die. Then it sucks again.

That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea.

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine, but I don't even know what your favorite color is?

If anything, I've probably tended more toward humor in my writing and veered more toward pleasure in my personal life.

I find the humor in life, and laugh easily

Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

You know what the worst thing about adults is? ...They're not always adults. But that's what I like about them.

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

It was rather too late in the day to set about being simple-minded and ignorant.

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth. -Plato, philosopher (427-347 BCE)

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Live by the words of intelligence endured..F@&$ IT!

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

I smile more when people confused, why he is smiling.

Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.

The departed souls shall never return.

No matter where you go, there you are.

Don't make me come down there. - God

Being a Falconer is about saving the buggers even if they don't deserve it." - Farlan MacNeil

People who do not eat butterflies will wear their clothes the wrong way, and people who wear their clothes the wrong way are inviting lemmings inside." -- Muzhduk the Ugli the Third

Sometimes your own tongue can make you deaf and dumb.

A clear conscience is due to a poor memory.

In life things are only free after you've paid for them.

I take very few people seriously, and I'm not one of them.

One: Don't play leapfrog with elephants.Two: Don't pet a tiger unless his tail is wagging.Three: Never, ever, mess with the Ladies Auxiliary.-Mayberry Rules for a Long, Happy Life

Life is mean! Don't lose your humour jacket. You'll really need it.

I still believe this Life is a good joke. And if you treat it that way, you will never stop laughing.

Oh, God. Not again.”Not again? “Do you make a habit of driving into people’s houses?

Fill me in on the details of your life.”“I thought you didn’t give a shit.”“It’ll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death.

Yes, life is hard, but it's not a bad way to pass the time. When all is said and done, I recommend it.

It's almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.