Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

I'm really interested in the link between creativity and humor because humor is a type of creativity, and I do think that humorous people and humorous health helps creativity.

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.

If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means.

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

[In Moscow] we got through to [Soviet leaders] Brezhnev and Kosygin on the telephone. I think it was because nobody had ever tried to call them at home before.

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the child it is sufficiently strange and humorous to have a nose at all.

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.

Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the first is practised on the Continent, the latter in Great Britain.

We thought there was also something that was humorous but at the same time powerful and deep about naming the album, 'Modern Vampires Of The City'.

Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves.

"Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."

Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

Nothing is more characteristically juvenile than contempt for juvenility. . . youth's characteristic chronological snobbery.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.

The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.

An art thief is a man who takes pictures.

I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum.

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

Manage by exception.Only require reporting when there is a deviation from the plan.

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.

What does he stand for?

How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?

You cant be a casual observer of something humorous - you have to engage, you have to find it funny for the relationship between actor and audience to work.

A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The information you need is in the others.

Reconnecting to the animal means getting to a more sensitive, more artful and more humorous place in the psyche.

Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as strange as, oh, the French.

It was not just inappropriate behavior

A pear is a failed apple.

What I've always done as an entertainer is try to come up with things that people will find interesting, or compelling, or humorous.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.

As I get older and write more books I'm definitely allowing the humorous side of my personality more rein in my work.

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.

The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.

You wonder if God doesn't have an answering machine to screen out the prayers of the venal and the boring? And in which category has he placed you?