Humor Quotes
My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley Davidson
Sorry, " she said. "I have a psychological disorder that prevents me from keeping thoughts inside my head where they belong.
Come to think of it, she did not speak a word. Yet I could have sworn she had the most beautiful voice.
Our opponent is an alien starship packed with atomic bombs, " I said. "We have a protractor.
Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.
I'm not looking for the perfect man. I'm looking for the man whose imperfections I can put up with.
Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. "Holy Hell, " Callie whispered, blinking."More or less, " Arriane said
My ears are too beeg for my head. My head ees too beeg for my body. I am not a Siamese cat ... I AM A CHIHUAHUA!"
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
My shoulder will never be the same. I expect you to nurse me back to health.'-Jace'Just break the door down, will you?'-Clary
Fine, but if you get yourself killed I reserve the right to flush your ashes down the toilet while I sing the theme from Titanic.
Oh, for Christ's sake, ' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.
Roar's smile widened. "I know. You missed me." She rolled her eyes. "It's barely been three weeks since I last saw you.""Miserable stretch of time." He said.
Looks like Kelsey wins the award for early riser. And doesn’t she look purtier than a pat of butter meltin’ all over a stack of griddle cakes?
Bursar?""Yes, Archchancellor?""You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?""Me? No, Archchancellor.""Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.
Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.
Oh, Hazel is awesome, " Don Said. "She's so nice! All the other campers are like 'Go away Don.' But she's like 'Please go away, Don.' I love her!
You totally need to watch the news.""Can't.""Why?""It's too depressing.""Right, because hanging with dead people isn't.
He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax...
They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.
Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
And Daniel?" She asked."Daniel was a player-""Hey!" "That's what they called the actors." Bill rolled his eyes.
Isabelle says the Queen of the Seelie Court has requested an audience with is"Sure" said Magnus. "And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour
Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.
Don't you see Blaynie." Mitch put his arm around her shoulders. "You're like an illegitimate little sister that I never wanted.
Are you okay? You seem ...soggy.""Soggy?""Yes." Heather nodded. "Like you're a depressed spaghetti noodle or something.
How come a boy can be so stupid, but a Daddy, who actually used to be a BOY himself, can be so wonderful?
How poor are they that have no patients! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?'""Shakespeare isn't going to save you this time, Superman. Your time's run out."!
I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.
Did you get notes for me?""No", Ronan replied, "I thought you were dead in a ditch.
She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl
You look angry, " he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me, " she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
It was a trap after all, ” Alric said. He turned to Royce. “My apologies for doubting your sound paranoia.
College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.
I wanted to stay this way forever.Which, it turns out, was exactly five more minutes.
Anyone who takes on my sister, " he had postured once, all puffed-out bravado, "will have to deal with ...my sister." And then he'd dived behind her and cowered.
Hatori: "SHIGURE... I WILL TELL EVERYONE IN THE PUBLISHING INDUSTRY EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT YOU, STARTING FROM WHEN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS OLD..."Shigure: "Sorry, Tohru-kun. My lips are sealed!
The only reason I'm friends with any of you is because I outgrew the von Trapps, one annoying Austrian at a time.
If you get yourself killed, I'll find your grave and spit on it, " she threatened.
One morning you wake up with more life behind you than in front of you, not being able to understand how it’s happened.
Everyone has the fire, but the champions know when to ignite the spark.
Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors.