Eoin Colfer Quotes

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Together we will be unstoppable.

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.

Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis" "Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

If Elmore Leonard met Jim Thompson down a dark alley at midnight they might emerge a week later with thick beards, bloodshot eyes and the manuscript for THE BIG O.

Remember the pain?' thought Artemis. I hate myself. I really do.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Trust me. I'm a genius.

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.

Im riding a troll! i was born to do this,and steal stuff, and EAT LOADS!

Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows. Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.

(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!

Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.

Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?

I have no time for babbling foolishness.” “Don’t be so hasty,” said Victor. “There’s always time for babbling.

I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.

Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.