Bursar?""Yes, Archchancellor?""You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?""Me? No, Archchancellor.""Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.

It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of thecat, although in this case there were three determinate states the catcould be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

But all them things exist, " said Nanny Ogg. "That's no call to go around believing in them. It only encourages 'em.

What is magic?There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day.

Oh, shimmer down, Hunter. You're too testy. How many times have I've told you that you need to chill out, take a vacay. Disney World is really fun this time of the year. you should check it out.

Reading books is a way for you to communicate with and learn from the best thinkers that are writing today and that have ever lived.

No one is nothing. Everyone has a place and a purpose. Some choose their purpose and others have it thrust upon them but no one is useless. Everyone is someone. The world has use for us all.

They who laugh the hardest are the same ones who have fought the toughest.The winner, though fraught with scarsstands alone, wholly victorious.

I wouldn't not listen to something because it was country. I usually listen to stuff that friends give me, if I admire their taste.

I will not say that women have no character; rather, they have a new one every day.

Which, if not victory, is yet revenge.

When you look at our programme for the next few weeks, you do not fancy a trip to the Oktoberfest.

I think I might write a book. I like writing. People have asked me if I would get into politics, but I think I feel a lot more effective being a representative of truth through the arts.

We do yoga to make life more beautiful.. to stop misery from entering our world.