Humor Quotes

I think the word "intelligent" dictates a lot about someone's sense of humor, and the terms of reference in your life, the way you interpret something you read or a painting you look at or something.

We censure others but as they disagree from that humor which we fancy laudable in ourselves, and commend others but for that wherein they seem to quadrate and consent with us.

A determination never to do what is wrong, prudence, and good-humor, will go far toward securing to you the estimation of the world.

I reread Mesrine's book every year because the way the story is told is fascinating. Today, we don't have gangsters like Mesrine - he had humor.

Laughter ispleasant, butthe exertion istoomuchfor me.

A gentle sense of humor will be alert to detect anything that savors of a pious 'act' on the part of the penitent.

Older actresses apparently have no sense of humor about being older actresses.

We, the comics that we like, we're all, like, post-humor.

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.

At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

If you really love someone, you shouldn't have to work at it, you finish each others' sentences and have the same sense of humor.

I love to write humor. If I could make a living doing it that is all I would write.

What an ornament and safeguard is humor! Far better than wit for a poet and writer. It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.

In the past quarter century, we exposed biases against other races and called it racism, and we exposed biases against women and called it sexism. Biases against men we call humor.

being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.

It's terrible to write what are essentially comedies for people with no sense of humor. Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor, but observably not.

Either you have a sense of humor about [being a former child star], or you're in rehab. There's not a lot of gray area.

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.

My own mother died when I was 10 years old. My folks have told me that what little humor I have comes from her. I can't remember her humor, but I can remember her love and understanding of me.

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

A certain excess of animal spirits with thoughtless good-humor will often make more enemies than the most deliberate spite and ill-nature, which is on its guard, and strikes with caution and safety.

Who thinks the law has anything to do with justice? It's what we have because we can't have justice.

There is a troublesome humor some men have, that if they may not lead, they will not follow; but had rather a thing were never done, than not done their own way, tho' other ways very desirable.

The people you like when you meet them and while you know them, and the people you remember fondly, are invariably people who have a sense of comedy, not just a sense of humor.

Well, honor is the subject of my story.

A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?

Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own

When Caesar says, 'Do this', it is performed.

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.

I hope I pass on my dad's good humor, work ethic and lack of self-seriousness. Our house was always a fun place where you'd get knocked around quickly if you took yourself too seriously.

You need to laugh more. Life is filled with too many problems, to not laugh every day... We need to have a sense of humor going into this because it's too tough without it.