Humor Quotes

It was hidden inside another book. One Valentine was unlikely to ever open." Magnus smiled crookedly. "Simple Recipes for Housewives. No one can say your mother didn't have a sense of humor.

[Vincent Price] did Oscar Wilde on Broadway, and I think he probably did it because he was almost like an Oscar Wilde. He had that brilliant humor.

Have you seen the film Histoires D'Amérique? It's also a mixture of humor and monologue, and it shows how the Jewish humor comes from drama and tragedy.

Your writing", she said to me, "it's so raw. It's like a sledgehammer, and yet it has humor and tenderness. . . .

Physicians must discover the weaknesses of the human mind, and even condescend to humor them, or they will never be called in to cure the infirmities of the body.

Good acting is thinking in front of the camera. I just do that and apply a sense of humor to it. You have to trust the audience to get it.

I think you have to be careful about not hurting someone. The last thing I'd want to do is make a fool of someone, unless they saw the humor in it.

If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.

I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

I think it's really important to have a sense of humor.

People don't expect me to have a weird sense of humor, but I do. I'm very eccentric.

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.

If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.

There's no ironic appreciation of things we love, even of things that are in fact ridiculous, which a hipster might take and own and show the world the humor in it.

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!

Sense of humor. A girl who doesn't take themselves too seriously. And someone who is spontaneous. They're the three things for me that really attract me to a girl.

An individual deficient in the sense of humor represents more of a challenge to our idea of the human than a person of subnormal intelligence

Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left.

What I love about Coulson is that he manages to do that and he manages to wrangle the diva superheroes, and really keep a sense of humor about it. And, you can tell that he really loves his job.

Figuring out a way to use humor to deal with important issues I think is very important. Laughter is a great diffuser.

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does.

We have a certain warped sense of humor in Scandinavia, and that is what comes across in the choices in a lot of our movies.

humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.