Hilarious Quotes

But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred.

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.

A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.

Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.

I thought Europe was a country?

I am joined with no foot land-rakers, no long-staff, sixpenny strikers, none of these mad, mustachio purple-hued maltworms, but with nobility and tranquillity.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

Besides my great fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Coffee isn't my cup of tea.

Writing 'We Are Never Getting Back Together' was one of the most hilarious experiences I have ever had in the studio because it just happened so naturally.

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

I didn't have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.

Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?

I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair

While I'm trying to be a villain, Tyler Posey's just making me break character all the time. It's hilarious.

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

I love tiny, plastic realistic food magnets. I don't know why. They're hilarious.

I find it hilarious when Obama's hand gets caught in the cookie jar

Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight. OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is whack.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.

Even if you've written something for print, I think it's good to try [it] out on someone because it changes. You can think it's hilarious and they can tell you it's not.

Young love is so ridiculous, as is middle-aged and old love. And it's also hilarious. When have you ever felt so vulnerable and wonderful and terrible at the same time?

If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I want to deny you the relief of the punchline.

Solitude is rich but seldom hilarious.

Normal people with normal problems can be hilarious.

Goat screaming videos are hilarious.

I've often said to myself, "Thank God I can write, 'cause this is hilarious." I actually wanted to go into all that more in the book, but my editor thought it was too crazy.

If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie.

I find Lady Gaga hilarious. And I kind of like her. My heart's warmed to her.

I have never liked Morrissey, and I still don't. I think it's hilarious, actually, what things I've heard about him, what he's really like, and his public persona is so different. He's such an actor.

If I don't wear a wig, I'm called a nasty f*g, if I do wear a wig, I'm hilarious.

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

I still love her. But she's retarded, too.

I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.

I love any movie that has a retarded person working at Starbucks.

This woman did not fly to extremes; she lived there.

I want to see the two CEOs of RIM and (Apple CEO Steve) Jobs working together. The thought of this menage a trois is absolutely hilarious.

One of the saddest sights to me has always been a human at a keyboard doing something by hand that could be automated. It's sad but hilarious.

I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.

Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.