Funny Quotes
Especially well known around the office is my weakness for dyspareunist women. Most people would find such disparity in unity repelling, but it harmonizes perfectly with my personal tastes.
The x-ray of your skull shows a large, flobby mass floating inside. I have to consult my colleagues to be certain, but it looks like a long sausage snarled into a lump.
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school.Three times in my twenties.Rocks no salt.Yes.Four.Never. And how dare you!I will take no further questions.
This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen, " Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before.
They came out in a dim, damp basement - a generic sort of place, full of moulding boxes. 'You take me to the nicest places, ' Claire said, and sneezed.
Alex the waiter was on my Spank Naughty list in third place, right after Henry Calvill the actor, then Henry Calvill as Superman. He was proof that God existed, and that God loved straight women.
Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?"I dropped my pick. "Do you always shop at Hot Topic?
Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.
I happen to be a fantastic kisser. Sadly, you will never get to find out.”“Never say never, ” he answers in a singsong voice.“Thanks for that, Justin Bieber. But yeah, not going to happen, dude.
Faculty Meetings are held whenever the need to show off is combinedwith the imperative of accomplishing nothing.
You didn't have to go to the fireworks with him. Or - or let him fondle you.""Fondle?" Raisa raised her eyebrows, "When did I mention fondling?
What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that...
Henry narrowed his eyes at me. "You going somewhere?""Lacrosse field trip, " I said. "I enjoy whacking the hell out of people with mallets.
Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.
The only difference between me and a famous writer is that I do not want to be famous.
You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?
A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.
I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.
Maybe you’re not so bad after all.’He leant across the seat, jabbing his finger in the air. ‘If you tell anyone, I’ll deny it. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.
Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.
Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me, ' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.
On horseback you feel as if you're moving in time to classical music a camel seems to progress to the beat of a drum played by a drunk.
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5, 000 dollars or your back
A horse blanket, Mel?I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right fo
Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?
How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?
Do you ride?"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow
She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me, ' because the questions, they came a-calling.
Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?""A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.
She's in the Catskill, " Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "
Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien.-Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script
I won't say that you're pretty because that dog already did. And I won't say you're funny because you have had me laughing since I met you.
My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - ""I am NOT naming our child Buford...
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
I can only drive slowly.""That's all right.""And I can only do left turns."Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
Let me get you all some punch, ” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back, ” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.