Funny Quotes

If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.

Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo?

We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.

If ye canna see the bright side o' life, polish the dull side

Adam's hot Pheebs! Admit it girl. That body is like some kind of happy experiment. It's like he was manufactured in a nympho scientist's secret laboratory

I think you inhaled too much lead from those scantron sheets

It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy

The Princess BrideS. Morgenstern'sClassic Tale of True Loveand High AdventureYou had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it.

I will not stand here to be insulted by you, hedgepig, " Mangiz fumed."Then stand somewhere else and I'll insult you there, featherbag!!

Hi's nose was pressed to his window. “I've changed my mind, Tory. This is the perfect place to hold someone prisoner. I'm keeping this on file.

Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.

I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.

Idiot, " I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. "We need to pick new pet names for each other, " he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.

She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are.

I reach up and pat them both on the head. "Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you'd be kissing him every chance you had, too.

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious!

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”“Cheese made by dwarfs.”“Oh, ” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”“No. What a horrible thought.”“Exactly.

Try not to trip, " she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."I groaned. That would be just like me - ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klutziness.

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do, " I muttered.

You guys dated, didn’t you?”“Are you insane? Not even if the continuation of our kind depended on it would I be tempted to do something so awful.

Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body.

I live on shameless flattery...and vodka...but the two usually go hand in hand.

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.

I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It's like, an overwhelming feeling that I can't even explain.

You want me to be a man, older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard.

Let every man shovel out his own snow, and the whole city will be passable, " said Gamache. Seeing Beauvoir's puzzled expression he added, "Emerson.""Lake and Palmer?""Ralph and Waldo.

That explains a lot, ' he said. 'I suppose it's also why we've never glimpsed that giant compass in the corner of the Atlantic. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!

Tag opened the door to his knock, and with a look of disappointment, peered behind Wade."You got someone better coming over?" Wade asked him."Pizza, " Tag said.

Decoupage hit Mooreland pretty hard...

What part of Canada are you from, honey?""THE LEFT PART, " said Jay.

Rose unearthed three crystal goblets that almost matched, and even found a tablecloth that hadn't been attacked by moths since its last public appearance.

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee.

Now how do I access Google?”Was he serious? “Why do you need Goog

...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more.

I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy

When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy.Matthew laughed and dropped it.

Have they built cities on the moon?" another boy asked hopefully."We left some garbage and a flag there in the sixties, but thats about it.

Through lightest dark or darkest light, You dont need no bling to join the fight. We're mercs with mouths and so much more, Yippee-ki-yay, we're the Deadpool Corps!

I'm leaving the door partly open, " he says as he follows Tegan. "You scream if you need me."Once he is outside, Richard says, "He does realize that if he hears your scream, it's already too late.

It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague.

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn

This is Simba, " Nicole said, pointing to the lion. "Is he dangerous?" Asked Chase."Not really. He mauled a trainer, but nothing much.

Hey, A-D-D, ” she called out to Claire, “come over and try these on.

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks, " I said to Ziggy."I'll try, " Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break.

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male

After this, I can't resist. "Between you, me, and the rest of us, Ted, it's starting to show. You'd better work out, or getting fat off Daddy might be harder to hide.

I saw you put rice in a toaster once, " said Mae. "I was there when made the tin of beans explode.""It was faulty, " Jamie protested, his eyes shifty. " I am sure of this.

What's a wingding? Why, a wingding is, uh...it's just like a shindig but without all the hullabaloo.

Yep those are goosebumps. Or a bad case of arm acne. Or as I call it, armcne.